Splash it or skip it?

Those who think movie art is getting killed by RAMPANT FRANCHISERY should look away, because Netflix thieves army Represents Zack Snyder’s official expansion army of the dead-Universe. (Coming soon: Anime series and a dead sequel.) Whether anyone actually wants it is up for debate, because we get it, whether we like it or not. an apron for something but in the grand scheme of things almost nothing, army of the dead It was reasonably entertaining and not exactly a waste of time, although that’s not entirely open arms that welcomes a personal idea for Severcracker’s character, Dieter, played by Matthias Schweffer, who not only reprises his role in the new film, but also directs it. Be careful, however – thieves army It’s a heist comedy, not a zombie movie, so anyone expecting delicious carnage might be disappointed.

essence: Dieter is a lonely man with dead parents, no friends, and a shoddy job with agents yelling at him and spitting plexiglass between them. His passion is rustling safes, but he’s not a criminal, more than a historian and estimator. He posts videos online on the topic that no one else is watching. His latest video is about a legendary cupboard maker who built four safes that are the most secure cupboards in the history of cupboards. Moreover, they are works of art and have names based on Wagnerian Opera and everything. If you’re really into wardrobes, and who aren’t, then you’ll love these wardrobes.

It’s six years before the events of army of the dead. On TV in the coffee shop, every day Dieter visits a news report about the zombie shit going on in Las Vegas. He finally gets to watch and comment on his new video, a mysterious invitation to an underground contest that’s akin to a treasury chest fight club. He’s the nervous and sweaty type, but well, so good, he’s won the Safecracker Thunderdome and is recruited by Gwendoline (Nathalie Emmanuel) for a secret project: breaking the crap out of those same Wagnerian safes he admires so much. And while it has a lot of cash, Gwendolyn insists it’s not about the money, it’s about the “quest.” Dieter digs it. Approves.

That means he’s now a nasty apprentice among Gwen’s heist crew: Corinna (Ruby OV) the hacker, Rolf (Joss Kahn) getaway driver, and Brad Cage (Stuart Martin) the self-proclaimed leader because he’s a white American alpha male who aspires to be the theoretical offspring. Action star Brad Pitt and Nicolas Cage. (I can see it). One in France, one in the Czech Republic, one in Switzerland and one missing, and each one is getting more and more inaccessible and broken. As Dieter falls ill with a crush on Gwendolyn and wonders if he’s neurotic in a too cute way, an Interpol agent (Jonathan Cohen) discovers the winds of the scheme and vows to stop him. There are no spoilers but I don’t think the question here is whether they succeeded, but how many complex stealth plots/sequences we can afford in one movie.

thieves army
Photo: NETFLIX

What movies will remind you of her? thieves army Looks like eleventh ocean The intersection of the film with hot fluff, minus any inspirational ideas.

A performance worth watching: Schweighofer’s relative enthusiasm only goes so far when the scenario is inadequate.

unforgettable conversation: idiot dieter:

Specialist: Aren’t you Johnny New Gay-

Gwendolyn: That’s not an expression.

Gender and skin: Nothing, unless you think secure handles look like nipples that a dieter drapes with tender sensuality (and they probably do).

Our advice: The first time we see Dieter breaking out of a safe, he puts his ear to the door and the camera zooms into the inner workings of the lock so we can see the cups and gears spinning and slamming into place in full CGI — and this guy clearly has the shell of the gods. Now prepare yourself for five more semi-identical sequences, because he has three vaults to break during Fight Club and three to break during mission. (Gee, I wonder why it’s over two hours long.) This movie is a safe porn movie: Dieter is a naive delivery boy who brings pizza to bored housewife Gwendolyn, and the money is shot as she stands wide-eyed as he spins the big wheel and the door opens to reveal the navigator Naked behind him.

And like porn, after the first shebang the whole thing is repetitive, just get over it with the forage. to her credit, thieves army She doesn’t take herself too seriously, though, and although she never inspires any big laughs, she is often intrigued by her semi-intelligence and littered with plenty of annoying self-referential gestures (for example, when a cop jeers, “We feel like we’re in a spy movie!” ). We got it – the movie knows it’s a movie. Hooray for the movie. The movie checks out on its own. Maslow would be very pleased with the film.

Schweigover’s presence is cordial, but his character is a written set of clichés. Dieter’s romance with Gwendolyn does not flare up; The story is structured like a rom-com breakup and crossover makeup with an action movie; It is full of references to army of the dead For no good reason, and yes, I know one of the reasons is to create a franchise as a franchise, and that’s not a good reason. The movie is ultimately very predictable, a year dollar lock on a lunch box we spend over two hours opening only to find half a PB&J and 29 bucks in misc. change within it. Do we ever care if Dieter and Gwendolyn kiss and/or walk away from their thefts? Verse. Not right.

Our call: Cut 25 minutes and write better jokes, and thieves army Decent entertainment may be disposable. But unfortunately. skip it.

John Serpa is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com Or follow him on Twitter: Tweet embed.

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